TV debate was like a particularly dysfunctional wedding

Δημοσιεύθηκε: 17 Απριλίου 2015 - 08:19

As so often - especially during this say-nothing campaign - it was the unsaid that stuck in the mind. As the TV credits rolled after the leaders of the five non-government parties had finished their "challengers' debate", the three women had a group hug, a definite first for a UK election.

Afterwards, the two professionals, Nicola Sturgeon and Ed Miliband, went over to the far side of the stage to shake hands with Nigel Farage. The semi-pros, Natalie Bennett and Leanne Wood, ignored him. Then four of the five went to shake hands with the front row. Mr Farage, who had already given his opinion of the audience, stalked out of the hall.

It was like a particularly dysfunctional wedding. Uncle Nige insisted on turning up, though no one wanted him much, and he behaved like a crosspatch throughout. Uncle Dave refused to come and then claimed he had not been invited, which was true but only because he had said he wouldn't come, so why waste the stamp?

Little Nick was also a no-show, though no one noticed. And Nicola and Ed, who may soon emerge as a sort of bride and groom, ended up arguing about the pre-nup. No one puked or snored, but those were the privileges of the folks at home.

The best comment of the night came later, in the spin room. The prime minister's representative on earth, William Hague, purveyed the no-one-asked-us line with such sweet innocence that one realised what a terrible loss to Britain's benighted politics he will be when he gives it all up next month and rediscovers the habits of normal life instead: telling the truth unless there is reason to do otherwise.

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>Look, he might have said accurately, Mr Cameron was washing his hair. He had important dates in the morning, rallying the Welsh Conservatives, a group numbering at least in the high double figures, and doing a factory gig for a few dozen more. He doesn't want to waste his time arguing with his inferiors: he's no good at it. And his Aussie handlers told him not to. End of.

Maybe that will make him the evening's real winner: history will write that one three weeks hence. In the meantime, the only formal poll of the night gave it to Mr Miliband, which was obvious really: there is a football-fan element to that question and his party has as much support as that of the other four non-absentees put together.

In Scotland the answer was different, as it was UK-wide to the question "Who did best?". The audience were also clearly on Ms Sturgeon's side, which was more surprising, given that they were in London. But she is definitely in fashion: "Dah-ling, don't you know we're all Scot Nat this year? It's all the go down the Kings Road."

<>Objectively, she was the best too, particularly early on. She was by far the nimblest on her feet. Literally. She jiggled up and down, swayed from side to side on her improbably high heels, occasionally darting back a few steps like a bantamweight before landing the counterpunch. She also managed to sound spontaneous.

The performance got more implausible when she accused Mr Miliband of trying to keep the Tories in Downing Street. It may well be true that he will end up running a quasi-Conservative government: it's an ingrained Labour habit. But that's not quite the same thing.

Maybe the chief no-show will be vindicated in the end. If he is, the ancient British tradition of TV election debates, which dates back as far as 2010, will be killed off for ever.

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