Rotarians, masons and 19th-hole bores turn out for Ukip manifesto

"I'm a gregarious cove," Nigel Farage said during the presentation of his party's manifesto, while explaining the difference between occasional conversations (which he has had) and formal negotiations (which he has not) about post-election deals.

The room was filled with gregarious coves. This occasion brought out members of the UK Independence party's gregarious wing: the Rotarians, the masons, the 19th-hole bores, mostly wearing suits, the Ukip striped tie and a paunch. It was like a midsummer morning in the Lord's pavilion.

There was also the occasional check waistcoat, and a man called Herbert who wore a pair of linked LED screens as badges on each lapel: the sort that normally flash up train information. "Next stop: Barking," that kind of thing.

Which wouldn't have been far wrong geographically. The launch was held in a hotel in Thurrock, the Essex constituency that might now rank ahead of Mr Farage's target of Thanet South as Ukip's most likely gain.

Thurrock may be seen as HQ of Ukip's less gregarious wing, with a candidate wary of scrutiny, where racial issues may not be handled with the sanitised care displayed in the manifesto.

And Believe in Britain is certainly a carefully put-together document. Unlike the 2010 manifesto, which he famously disowned, the leader likes it. And it was explained to us at length by Suzanne Evans, its chief author, who gave us a kind of PowerPoint demonstration, though without the PowerPoint or much power or point.

Ms Evans appeared in what looked like a long black coat to address us in a manner she might use to play Margaret Thatcher in a village panto: she was condescending and precise, with a thin smile, which grew wider when she thought she had said something clever.

The manifesto itself is very precise. "We will cut fuel bills by an average of £197," she announced. Not £196, not £198 - £197. Ukip will train 800 advisers to help the clients of 800 food banks (from the gregarious wing that one, I think). And a Farage government will build a military hospital with 500 beds and room for 150 relatives or friends. Not 149 or 151. The party have probably already chosen the curtain colour.

It is true that Ukip is anxious to raise defence spending to pre-2010 peaks. But 500 beds suggests they are preparing for a pretty big conflict. Who with? Maybe Luxembourg. "The British government has insulted the most famous of all Luxembourgers, Jean-Claude Juncker. You must pay, Farage. This means war!"

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The idea that European leaders might take a dim view of a Ukip-led EU exit does not seem to have occurred to the party. Not just because it does not cost the effect of a 500-wounded war with Luxembourg, but because it does not consider that there might be any unforeseen consequences whatever. The analysis document gets very waffly when it gets near this subject.

It all sounded unarguable, though, and the leader was a bit upstaged. But he did manage to entrap a reporter who complained that the only black face in the manifesto was in the section devoted to overseas aid, which Mr Farage so hates. And she appeared to be crying, while being hugged by a Ukip MEP.

After the question half a dozen South Asians wearing Ukip badges jumped up and began grinning for the cameras. Useful idiots, as the saying goes.

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